Thursday, February 24, 2011

Thank you note

Dear Dad,

In light of everything going on, I realized that people often take for granted the people closest to them. Watching you be so strong makes me want to be a better person so I can be as good as you. I wanted to thank you for everything that I may have forgotten to say thank you for over the years. I love you dad :)

Thank you for taking me to my swim lessons when I was little, it really paved the way for several summers of life guarding and high school swim team. Thanks for "teaching" me and Elizabeth Pfeifer how to drive by letting us sit on your lap and steer in the old Acura. Even though I complained, thank you for making me listen to Breakfast with the Beatles when we were going to McDonald's. I happen to love the Beatles now, so for that i blame you :) Thanks for putting those neon pegs on my bike and for teaching me how to ride like the wind. Thanks for signing me up for softball even when i didn't know which side was left field, and even more so, thanks for being a great coach for so many years. Playing catch on Wetumka was the best! Thanks for signing me up for bowling and for getting me cheese fries. Thanks for sewing on my Girl Scout patches. You really were the only dad that did that I think. Thank you for my love of the Cubs, and I really do think that this year is their year! Thanks for taking me to that Bears game when I was little, even though I'm pretty sure I cried. haha. Thank you for checking my closet to make sure Slimer wasn't in there, and any one else that the Ghost busters may have missed. Thank you for teaching me about hard work, without which, I wouldn't have gotten my first job at 14. Thank you for attending softball games, swim meets, choir concerts and musicals I was ever in. It's always nice to have people cheer you on. Thanks for not killing any of my high school boyfriends even though I know you wanted to several times over. Thank you for always being the peacemaker and the voice of reason. Your moral compass always faces due North and its admirable. Thanks for leading the pack in driving me to Western for freshman year. I still say we could've made it there faster :) Thanks for taking in Tigger when he got kicked out of the dorms. Sorry he is such a brat now. Thanks for all those Sigma weekends you came for. More so, thanks for not getting mad when I yelled at that girl for hitting on you! Or when I yelled at that guy for hitting on mom! Thanks for not freaking out when I turned down the reporter job to do something else. I needed WIU and the Arizona internship to see what I really wanted. Thanks for making sure you called even if we were fighting. I know I'm not always the most level headed, but at least you make me realize that. Thanks for not thinking I'm crazy when I do crazy things like get a tattoo randomly, or my tongue pierced. Or even move in with my boyfriend when I've only been dating him 6 months, or even when I move across the country with him because "its time for a change." Thank you for showing me that even though tough times happen, it's all about the overcoming of them. You are a hero to me dad. Your strength is unmatched as is your amazing attitude. Thank you for everything I mentioned, and for the billions of things I may not have. Thank you for being you. I love you dad.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Little White Lies

Omissions are betrayals. I am a firm believer in this. Lying has never been my thing. Trust me, I've tried, but it's just not something I'm good at. I try to be upfront and honest at all times. I usually forget that not everyone acts the same way I do. While I do not expect everyone I interact with to be forthcoming and open, I do expect it of the people I care about.

You know what they say about assuming things...

Saying that I've had a lot on my mind the last few months would be a gross understatement. I clearly have more than I can handle which is proved by the sporadic crying and random sadness. If this was 8 months ago I'd be on my balcony with a pack of Camels and a bottle of white. I am happy to report that I haven't practiced that type of behavior in months.

I'm not a religious person but I'm having a huge crisis of faith. Faith in mankind that is. I understand that people tell little white lies to protect others, however, if you get caught its a mute point. I caught someone in a lie yesterday. A lie that may not be important to some, but to me it means everything. They were trying to protect me, but instead it makes me look at the bigger picture. Is this just one of many lies? Is this one bigger or smaller than the possible rest? I have no way of knowing, and after yesterday, I have no way of believing what you say anyway.

I agreed to come to Seattle because I wasn't the happiest in Chicago. Now I'm not the happiest here because I can't tell real from fake. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and it's a lonely place to be. Then again, why be scared of being alone? The people that hurt me are the people that "love me most."