I wrote a blog awhile back called "Mama Who Bore Me" named after a song from Spring Awakening. The blog was about my estimating my relationship with my mother becoming nonexistent after my dad died. My mom read it after it was posted, screamed, called me evil and demanded I take the slander down.
Damn I wish I had it, because turns out that I can predict the future. How cool is that?!
Here's a rundown of my mom's grand gestures over the last 8 months-
1.Two months after my dad dies, my mom calls and tells me she's relieved dad is gone (not because he isn't suffering anymore but because she can do whatever she wants now). I cry in silence on the phone while she talks to her heartbroken daughter like a girlfriend
2. I call my mom and tell her I'm depressed and miss my dad. She abruptly shrugs off my feelings and suggests a shrink. Conversation has ended.
3. I plan a trip home for a friends wedding. My mom says she will plan my dad's stone dedication for the weekend I am home so I don't miss it (Jewish tradition for anyone scratching their head)
4. A month later my aunt tells me the stone dedication is actually moved to three weeks after my trip and is surprised no one told me.
5. I call my mom to ask her about the stone dedication date confusion. She said it didn't occur to her to tell me the date was changed even though I live 2000 miles away and cant afford a plane ticket. She also tells me that its "a short 10 minute ceremony, you wont miss anything." wont miss anything...except a tradition for my dead father, but hey, no biggie
6. I come home for the wedding. My mom tells me she took off 5 days from work so she can spend time with me. She even wants to stay with me at my hotel so we can hang out.
a. she doesn't stay at the hotel. Picks me up without an overnight bag
b. at dinner with the family she brags (in front of my dad's dad) about her new bikini wax (WTF)
c. tells me I can't stay at her house the day I intended because she was going out on a date so she wouldn't be home
d. mom offers Sunday brunch instead
1. mom bails on brunch. She was out too late the night before and overslept.
7. My mom planned a vacation to Florida (She's never been to Seattle. She's been invited)
8. Maybe this part is totally selfish of me, but she got a life insurance policy and bought a new car and is going out every night. My sister and I haven't been offered a dime. I start my new second job tomorrow.
It goes on and on, but you can't change anyone who doesn't want to be changed. The only thing I asked when my dad died was that she wouldn't forget to call me. She can't even see me when I'm right in front of her, how can I expect a relationship with her? Can a 28 year old be an orphan?