Out of this world and into the wild

A family name is a source of pride, no question. Families have creeds, crests, traditions, etc. Anything to basically describe who they are. Since the Seagull by name isn't known as something fierce in the animal kingdom, my family has always affectionately referred to ourselves as something else. MARS- Mark. Abbey. Riky. Sandee. (a family tradition if you will. For example- if you took the first letter of my mom and her siblings, you would get- SPERM. Sandee. Paul. Earl. Ralph. Miriam. An obvious one for 5 kids but I'm not here to judge).

It occurred to me today that maybe we've had it all wrong this whole time. Given our current state of events, (and I can't believe this didn't occur to us before) I decided that we're switching from MARS to RAMS.

A mascot if you will for our plan of attack. A ram technically is a male sheep, but a male ram is a Buck (which sounds better, lets be honest.) The ram is associated with the gods Zeus and Apollo because of its power, fearlessness, force, drive and ability to protect. The ram or Aries is also a fire sign. It was the first sign of the zodiac for it's over abundance of courage. It is the sign of the warrior and it is my dad.

My dad can't do this alone. Since a group of rams are a flock, that's what we are going to be. We are the flock that's going to kick cancers ass and take no prisoners. Together, we can get through this.

Denial

I have a 6am flight to go home tomorrow. I knew I'd come back for weddings, to visit friends, work, etc. Not once did I think I'd have to say "I'm coming home because my dad has lung cancer."

We all know that life eventually comes to death, but no one thinks about when these have the possibility of becoming real. What is this anyway? Cancer- a word that terrifies. I can't possibly be coming home because of it.

I think I was 7 the last time heard my dad cry. He's had lupus since I was little and has always been a fighter. He cried when he was telling me about what Lupus was and what it meant for our family. He cried again today when he actually said it..."I have lung cancer." Four words that are tearing my world apart just at the thought of what they could mean.

Dear Santa, please don't take my dad from me... I don't know what I'd do without him

Superman

The hardest part about moving away was not being able to be around for everything. I knew it was part of the process, but I truly felt guilty after my mom called yesterday.

My parents have been avid smokers for as long as I can remember, probably for as long as they can remember too. No matter what health risks people take- do you ever notice that they seem to think they are still invincible? My dad had been complaining of neck pain for a few weeks and finally decided to go to the doctor. X-rays showed the issues with his neck, along with a tumor in his lung. He's going back today for a cat scan, but a lung specialist has been called and the term "cancer" was thrown around.

I broke down in my kitchen yesterday screaming in between sobs that I shouldn't be here. I should be at home where I'm needed.

My dad really is an amazing person. He laughed yesterday and said he's too stubborn to get sick and that he still wants a German Shepherd and nothing will get in the way of that. I laughed back because I know how much he wants that dog. Whatever it takes.

Nothing is declared until after test results come back from his appointment today, but I'm terrified. I'm so scared that I'm going to have to lose someone who has always been a hero to me. I honestly don't know what to do except cry and write. There's nothing else I can do. I'm not the type to pray, but I just keep thinking that it isn't the right time for any of this. It's too soon for scares. There's still so much to do...

Observations

So, every city has characheristics that people refer to and stereotype about. I can talk for days about what Chicago people are like and what we do. Here are a few things I have observed while in Seattle-

1) No one talks about how hilly Seattle is. They ONLY focus on the rain. Hate to say it, but I think the hills mixed with my ghetto '98 Camry are worse

2) The "Seattle Freeze" is true. I asked my manager if it was true. She said a sharp "yes" then quickly walked away. Point proven. The nicest people we've met here are from anywhere but Seattle. Good thing implants run this place

3) I have yet to see a hippie...bummer

4)More shopping malls than Chicago and neighboring 'burbs...insane amounts of shopping

5) You can turn a corner and find the most beautiful view you've ever seen

6) The only take-out food available is asian and pizza (not Chicago style)

7)You have to have a dog. EVERYONE has a dog- best way to meet randoms :p

8) There are national Batista competitions for coffee service and preparation...weird but whatever :)

9) There are 424 Starbucks in Seattle alone. I see signs everywhere- "this way to Starbucks." Unless these signs begin to have 50 arrows each direction, they seem a bit redundant...

10) I'm homesick, but that's to be expected. I do actually like it here

6 days

It's the hottest day of the year in Chicago. Seattle NEVER gets this unbearable- Upgrade!

Our apartment is practically empty. 1 final unsold piece of furniture remains minus a few folding chairs and random junk thrown in corners. Casey noticed yesterday that there's an echo. It's 6 days away and it's all starting to feel very real. It didn't feel real when I agreed to move, not when I told my boss, not even when we signed the new lease. Tomorrow it will become surreal.

Tomorrow all my friends and close family will be coming over to help us celebrate our last few days in Chicago. A full circle since our house warming party 1 year ago, but this time to mark the end end of an era. A drinking extravaganza combined with Seattle themed food. (basically coffee cookies and lots of seafood) I'm praying I don't cry...

Sweet home, Chicago

I love listening to the sounds of the city. I'm sitting here on my balcony, and I can hear music from Big Star across the street, and I can't help but think about the tiny things that I love about this place. My balcony is one of my favorite places to be- It's where I go when I'm stressed, upset, and happy. Altogether, it's a great place for me. From my balcony in Wicker Park, I often sit (with a glass of wine) and listen to the sounds and watch the city go by.

I have seen and heard some crazy things from this spot- from the first few weeks at this apartment when Katie and I were sitting here around 1AM on a Saturday and heard two guys fighting over this girl. It was hilarious, and I remember thinking, "you can't get this type of entertainment anywhere else." There's that huge bus that would draw a crowd every night, but we never could figure out why. Of course we felt like assholes when we realized it was a church van giving out free medical care...but nonetheless, it was always something interesting to talk about.

I currently live above a 7-11 and have become a regular and favorite customer by the workers- Casey, Katie and I all have been. When I go in for my morning coffee they always ask "how come I haven't seen your husband in awhile?" I just giggle because I'm pretty sure they think we have some jaded threesome living arrangement, but it's actually comforting to know that when I get coffee in the morning- there is someone there that knows me by name and asks how I'm doing.

I'm sure it's weird and a little more sentimental that anyone needs to get about a city, but I just love it here.

Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about the changes that await me, (and even more excited that I will have a balcony that will only become unbearable to use about 17 days out of the year,)but nothing will ever be the same as sweet home Chicago :)

It's official...

Spending all your money
Aint it funny how time goes by
At first you start belivin then youre leaving for no reason
And youre wondering why
So til the morning breaks
Go and make your mistakes
Don't be surprised if your head hurts
Life is for the living, the forgiving and for leaving town alive


I told my boss and I've told my friends. Nothing left to do but pack and figure the rest of my life out.I'm leaving my home and the place that I love for a new adventure. Off to Seattle, a place I never even contemplated going until my Michigan born boyfriend decided he wanted a change. Brought to Chicago for reasons he hates along with the "nomad mentality" he has, has made him pick the West coast....and I am along for the ride.

I know how it sounds, I know how it looks. I've already heard several times over from several people "soooo, you're moving across the country for a boy? Why?" Simple- Why not? I've lived in Chicago most of my life (minus college and a small stint in Tucson, Az), so why not expereince something new with someone I love?

I'll admit it wasnt my first choice, but it's an adventure. But how am I supposed to get outside my comfort zone and see what I really can do if, for just a short time, step outside that zone and see what else there is in life to experience.

I'm exicted, I'm scared, I'm starting anew...