Superman

The hardest part about moving away was not being able to be around for everything. I knew it was part of the process, but I truly felt guilty after my mom called yesterday.

My parents have been avid smokers for as long as I can remember, probably for as long as they can remember too. No matter what health risks people take- do you ever notice that they seem to think they are still invincible? My dad had been complaining of neck pain for a few weeks and finally decided to go to the doctor. X-rays showed the issues with his neck, along with a tumor in his lung. He's going back today for a cat scan, but a lung specialist has been called and the term "cancer" was thrown around.

I broke down in my kitchen yesterday screaming in between sobs that I shouldn't be here. I should be at home where I'm needed.

My dad really is an amazing person. He laughed yesterday and said he's too stubborn to get sick and that he still wants a German Shepherd and nothing will get in the way of that. I laughed back because I know how much he wants that dog. Whatever it takes.

Nothing is declared until after test results come back from his appointment today, but I'm terrified. I'm so scared that I'm going to have to lose someone who has always been a hero to me. I honestly don't know what to do except cry and write. There's nothing else I can do. I'm not the type to pray, but I just keep thinking that it isn't the right time for any of this. It's too soon for scares. There's still so much to do...