Stage left? Stage right? Stage 4. Stage 4 and the show will be closing in 10-14 months.
My dad called and didn't start to cry until he said how much time left he's been given. He's doesn't want me to come home. Not yet. "it isn't time yet..." he said. The "yet" just kinda dropped off.
The last 2 weeks have been a constant roller coaster of emotion. I'm up, down, high, low, rolling in circles. How am I supposed to act? I've cried every day for the last 17 days. I'm trying to be strong for him, but let's face it- I'm not that good an actress, and we all know what's going on.
I can't get that damn Aerosmith song out of my head. I started hearing it the minute we hung up the phone. "I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep cause I'd miss you, and I don't want to miss a thing." He kept saying that he's going to miss our weddings, his grand kids, etc. All these huge events that would be so much better if he is able to share them.
We've seen documentaries and read books about beating terminal cancer with an organic diet and vitamins. I actually do believe in this and I will continue to spread the gospel if it means that I get my dad for longer. I can't stop from being scared and skeptical though, even if it's only for a minute.
Everything is so final. When I left my dad on Monday and came back here I made sure I kissed him and told him I loved him because I didn't know when I would be able to again. Every time I see him now it will be like that and that's not how it should be. For once, I don't want people to say "live each moment like it's your last." Fuck that. It's too soon to be the last. There's way to much to live for.
1 comment:
Hey, Me again. had an uncle that has been cancer free for 10 yrs without kemo. don't know if it was 4, but I think it was. no sweeteners besides natural fruit( they went extreme,but seems to have worked)people tell you honey,agave,etc are o.k. but I wouldn't risk my life on it. Sure you now all this,but so much of our food is processed you don't even think about it.buy sea salt and read EVERY ingredient label.
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